Let's talk about mental health the proper way, because it's about time we should
June 09, 2018
In light of recent events, mental illness has once again become the talk of the town; but for how long? And up to what extent do we talk about it? I'd just like to share my personal take on this issue and hopefully, as my thoughts are quite scattered right now, I could somehow give a perspective to this from someone battling the same thing.
/TW: suicide, depression; read with caution
In the past week, the whole world was shocked to learn the news of the passing of Kate Spade, a multi-millionaire fashion designer and Anthony Bourdain, renowned chef, author and television personality, only a day or two apart. Both celebrities took their own lives -- and that's what shocked everyone, because, surprise surprise, depression doesn't spare people who are rich and famous.
I don't think I can stress enough how important it is to talk about mental health and suicide openly. What irritates me though is that people only start caring about it when a famous person commits suicide. All over social media, people are sharing the suicide hotlines of their country. Then what? After a day or two, it dies down. Maybe because, yes, that's how society is: they only care only to hop on the bandwagon.
But the point I'm trying to make here is - personally, have you checked on your family and friends lately? Whether or not you are aware that they are suffering from mental illness, if you really cared, you would do more than share the suicide hotline. For the longest time, depression has been taking lives from us, and we only care if it's someone famous. Yet we fail to notice a friend who has been absenting themselves from weekly gatherings, or a colleague who had a sudden change of routine. On Facebook, posts are circling on how to treat someone suffering from mental illness. You share it, but do you actually do it?
Yes, the suicide hotline may help, medicines sometimes ease the pain, but trust me, it makes all the difference if someone close would ask me a simple, "How are you doing today?"
Another thing that irritates me aside from hopping on the bandwagon is that some people will either glorify it or invalidate it. A classic example of glorifying mental illness and suicide? The show 13 Reasons Why. "Then don't watch it!" I definitely will not, because a friend told me it was very graphic and I will not feel comfortable watching it. And judging by the reviews and critics, it shows an unhealthy way of dealing with mental illness. People, please. Stop romanticizing suicide. It's a serious issue that should be discussed properly, not just through some teenage love story drama.
And finally, please do not invalidate us by saying things like, "It's just a phase", "It's all in your mind", or "You're only seeking attention", because it's not. Just because you do not see it, doesn't mean we don't feel it. I'm tired of hearing from people that there is nothing wrong with me. I'm tired of getting sermons about how I'm too old to be throwing tantrums and mood swings. Again, you don't know how it feels. How it really feels. But I'm not going to discuss all of that in detail now, because I actually already did.
About a year ago, I opened up on my condition on Facebook. I received positive reassurances, which was heartwarming, but I also was hit with negative comments similar to those I mentioned earlier. Nevertheless, I knew there was nothing wrong with the post, so I left it that way to spread awareness about the reality of mental illnesses and also to reassure others who are like me, but are afraid to talk about it in fear of being judged. In fact, some of you who are reading this now may be surprised to know this fact about me. I'm actually still afraid of what people are going to say, to be honest. But that's where the problem starts - when people start judging you and isolating you because of your condition.
Honestly, not everyone who is diagnosed with mental illness is as open as me. I was just lucky to have a great though very small support system (I can count about three or four people who genuinely care about my depression and anxiety), I guess. But it doesn't mean that I'm not battling my own demons. I just happen to be more open about it than most people. This is what I wish for everyone - to be open to share it with others. Of course, this will only happen if their immediate support system checks on them every now and then.
Check on your friends. Check on your family and loved ones. Whether you are aware that they are going through something or not. The strongest people may actually be the weakest ones. Take Anthony Bourdain for example - I'm honestly still in shock because a person such as him - a storyteller who has pretty much my dream job of traveling the world exploring the different cuisines, cultures and peoples - was apparently suffering from his own demons. Another example is Robin Williams, a freaking comedian. He makes people laugh, but inside he was actually already drowning.
I'll say it again: check on your loved ones. You don't know what kind of impact you could have on someone who is about to take their life by simply making a call and checking if they're okay. It doesn't mean that if the person is smiling and laughing, or rich and famous they are not going through something darker inside.
Stop the stigma. Stop glorifying and romanticizing it. Check on your loved ones. Talk about it with them. And to people like me who are battling these illnesses, don't be afraid or ashamed to talk about it if someone asks you.
As the late Carrie Fisher once said, "I am mentally ill. I can say that. I am not ashamed of that. I survived that, I'm still surviving it, but bring it on."
Please always remember to take care of yourselves.
♥, Murgaloo
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